I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
