Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I skipped work to stalk him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize