Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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