He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
