nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
