Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
