my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
