my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
