We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize