Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
