Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
