CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
where are my eyebrows?
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