Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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