im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
