I hate all girls vehemently.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
