ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
