you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This is not my ceiling
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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