Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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