Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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