ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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