apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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