I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
