There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
