I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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