At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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