tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize