I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
