After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize