and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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