Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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