I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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