i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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