I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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