1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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