everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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