bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
