i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize