its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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