Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His hands were made for my vagina.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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