I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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