OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
