also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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