I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
