You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How external is "for external use only"?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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