Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize