Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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