My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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