Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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