I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
