Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't deserve a penis
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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