Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
