So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
