sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
