Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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