Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize