Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
