I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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