Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
