My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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