She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
