Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
