listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
