My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't turn off my feet"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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