Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
