he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
