that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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